The Great Indian Political Tamasha- WWF style !

As I watch in glee the political battles being enacted out on the National scene in lieu of the General Elections, I can’t help but see freakish parallels with the WWF(World Wrestling Federation now renamed WWE). For those who have followed that unique American contribution would know, the WWE attracts fan following not on account of the gladiatorial fights between 6 ft hunks, but due to the carefully built storyline where best pals of today become blood rivals tomorrow, the WWF babes(divas as they are called) ditch one wrestler for another,  a handsome nobody becomes a champion because of commercial considerations and his chocolate boy looks. A few parallels with the Indian political developments over the past weeks: 

  1. May 6th  2009: Nitish Kumar, the Bihar CM who has built an image of an efficient CM tells NDTV on the eve of the elections in Bihar that he would never share a stage with the Gujarat strongman- Narendra Modi. Nitish clearly states that  LK Advani has his support for the post for PM but Narendra Modi never. This was seen as a clear signal by Nitish Kumar to the Muslim minority vote-bank that he is with them.                                                     May  7th : Elections in Bihar over                                                                                                                                                         May 10: Not only Nitish attend the Massive NDA rally in Ludhiana graced by Narendra Modi as well, but the two hold each other’s hands and raise it signalling that ‘Only death will do us apart.’
Till death do us apart

Till death do us apart

 WWF parallel:   Anyone remember , the people’s champion ‘The Rock’ being crowned WWF champion by the villain ‘Vince McMahon’ in King of the Ring 2000 and basically making the audience look  hopelessly stupid. This is vintage WWF.

2. April-May: The CPM reaffirms that it is confident of forming the next Central Govt and that it will have no truck with the Congress.                                                                                                                                                                                                                

May 7:  The CPM General Secretary swears that the Congress is an untouchable as far as a post-poll alliance is concerned.                                                                                                                                                                                                                     May 9: Karat says that all options are open to the Left and that the Congress-Left partnership has always worked. Senor, remember the ruckus created by the Left led by Your Honorable self on the Indo-US nuclear deal. Flip-flopping within the space of – 2 days, even Deve Gowda is no match.

Talk about the famous Left pledge of, “Power never attracts us.” 

WWF parallel:  Hulk-Hogan rejoining the WWF after a stint in the rival WCW and telling, “Hulkamania and WWF are inseparable.” 

3. Mid April: The MahaKutami is formed in Andhra Pradesh comprising of the TDP, the Left and the TRS (Telengana Rashtra Samiti). Touted as an unbreakable alliance, the MahaKutami pledges support to the Third Front and exudes confidence that they will form the Central Government as well as the State Govt                                                                         May 7:  Elections in AP over                                                                                                                                                                                 May 10: The TRS chief K.Chandrasekhar Rao does an U-Turn as he attends the NDA rally in Ludhiana And effectively signals his shifting of loyalty from the Third Front to the NDA.

 WWF parallel:  Triple H backstabbing Shawn Micheals on the eve of the much touted reunion of the D-Generation X, anyone? 

4. April:  The Janata Dal(Secular) : JD(S) comprising of the flip-flopping father-son duo of Deve Gowda and H.D.Kumaraswamy announce their allegiance to the Third Front.                                                                                                       May 13: Mr Kumaraswamy is seen going to meet Sonia Gandhi in his Mercedes, and the former is desperately and comically trying to cover his face to avoid being tracked by the media.

Face Saving Act !

Face Saving Act !

Th e faux pas prone Kumaraswamy later explains that it was a courtesy call and that he was not trying to cover his face. I am reminded of my underage neighbor Satyananda who after being caught while watching an Adult movie flush-facedly explaining: “I thought, it was a documentary explaining the natural process  of reproduction.” Oh Yes, it would be on the day when Silvia Berlusconi becomes a celibate !

WWF parallel:  WWF maniacs, remember Stephanie McMahon catching Triple H with his pants down     with Trish Stratus.

 5. April End: Madurai is at the centre of another political storm with Azhagiri, the son of M. Karunanidhi, accused by the AIADMK of distributing cash to the voters. The ruling party DMK vehemently denies the charges and in true political style, lays the blame on the AIADMK and tarnishing the DMK’S name. Azhagiri known for his blatant use of resources- men, material and resources  is suspected to be culpable by the National news channels.

The Electoral Commission steps in and conducts an enquiry; the DMK is absolved of the charges. Over the years, the EC has been regarded as an impartial body. But there has been rumblings, of late, especially surrounding the Chief Electoral Commissioner- Mr Navin Chawla, who is known for his close links with the Congress, especially Sonia Gandhi.

 People, remember the numerous title matches in WWF, where the impartial referee suddenly turns a blind eye to the ‘Iron-Chair’ shot of one wrestler, who is favored by the boss- Vince McMahon

 6. Long time Congress loyalist and the Gandhi family sycophant Arjun Singh was in for a rude surprise when Madam refused Congress tickets to both his son and daughter for contesting in the General elections. The veteran leader known for controversies like reservation for the OBCs in the IITs and IIMs, made known his acute hurt at this blatant refusal by Sonia.

 Anyone reminded of the humiliating forced exit of the legendary Hulk-Hogan by Vince-McMahon.

 7. The constituency of Rampur in UP, is witnessing one of the most bitter electoral battles, where the sitting MP Ms.Jayaprada of the SP is fighting against the Congress candidate Noor Bannu. But Jayaprada’s main rival is not Bannu, but Azam Khan of her own party. Morphed nude pictures of the former actress MP as well as one CD showing Jayaprada is doing the rounds in Rampur. The dignified Jayaprada has alleged that Azam Khan, her former mentor is behind this most lowly of attacks.

 Haven’t we witnessed something similar when the veteran Ric Flair turned against his  former protégé Randy Orton, and wanted to end the talented Orton’s career through any means- fair and foul.  Randy had the last laugh. Let’s hope for something similar.

 8. ‘WE ARE GOING TO FORM THE NEXT GOVERNMENT’-  If there was one slogan uttered by all the 4 alliances- UPA, NDA, Third Front, 4th front, it was this. Same consistency cutting across party lines.

The similarity in WWF is the ubiquitous- ‘ I will be the next WWF Champion’ proclaimed by any wrestler worth his/her biceps. 

Come May 16, when the final Election results will be announced. Can’t wait for that tamasha and the corresponding paralles with theWWF. 

    Ladies and Gentlemen, this championship match is for the WWF Championship Belt, by free fall or    submission. Making his way to the ring, weighing 305 pounds,….

     The results of the General Elections 2009 are out. Leading with 195 seats, the ….

KORBO LORBO JEETBO RE

One team in the IPL which has got the maximum amount of coverage in prime time on TV, has had written the most amount of column inches written  in newspapers, generated the maximum traffic on the Internet would  the Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) owned by  SRK. One of the very few teams to have broken even in the first year itself despite having finished a dismal 6th out of 8 teams. “This is cricketainment’ as Sandy Maddy Babe would exclaim and the publicity hungry Khan would concur.

In the IPL second edition too, the Knight Riders eclipsed the other teams in terms of TRPs even before the first ball was bowled- 4 captain theory proposed by John-“The Laptop’ Buchanan, the war of words between SRK and Gavaskar, removal of the enigmatic Ganguly as captain. But out of the blue came the biggest eyeball generator of them all- fakeiplplayer.blogspot.com, allegedly written by a disgruntled player of the KKR, who is spilling the beans, left right and centre of the ego clashes, the power struggles, the discontent within the team etc. Refers to powers in that are in the IPL circuit by damningly funny names. The Punjab team owners and some select commentators are picked out for special treatment. In all, terrific entertainment for the public, more interesting than KKR’s performance on the field.

The KKR team management predictably has termed the juicy allegations fictions of imagination of a swine, out to make a quick buck. However off the record, no effort is spared to limit the damage. SRK starts his own blog, the news on fakeiplplayer in the eyeballs seeking trivia, sensationalism seeking news channels is conspicuously absent. The PR efforts notwithstanding, the viewers can judge for themselves from KKR’s dispirited display in the IPL where the ‘aami Kolkatar WE rule’ side has sunk to abysmal depths and languishing in the last place.  5 defeats in 7 matches, the remaining 2 probably averted by the rain, points out chinks gaping holes within the team. So much for Buchanan’s various pet theories. One is bound to agree with Shane Warne’s virulent attack on the former Aussie coach that the team won despite Buchanan. What is even more rankling is that even the ‘Jinxed Challengers Bevdaas’ have made a move on and returned to winning ways.

To be honest, except for the glamfactor in the form of SRK and Dada, KKR have not much in terms of cricket, in the first place. A heavy duty top-order in the form of the explosive Gayle, the marauding McCullum and the gutsy Ganguly looks great on paper; but a non-existent middle order and a spineless bowling attack except for Ishant-‘theLittleJohn’ Sharma means that KKR can look either spectacular on their day or sink without a trace. BUST is happening often than Boom. With Chris Gayle also returning for Caribbean duty, the batting is virtually non-existent.

Personally, I have a soft corner for the Knight Riders for 2 reasons- the inspirational ‘Korbo Lorbo Jeetbo Re’ theme song got me hooked onto their bandwagon; second is the presence of Sourav’DADA’Ganguly. Have splurged Rs 800 on their official merchandiseT-Shirt. The KKR  needs to salvage some pride and atleast not finish worse than last time(6th position), to enable me to wear the T-shirt in college J. But I have got a gut feeling that the end won’t quite be be  “Harchi, haarchi, Haarbo re”